We Can't Have Cats
by FluffyGlitterPantsDragon
Summary: KITTENS. Inspired by Seeds of Lily on Twitter


Feathers floated high in the air. Lucifer came over to watch Trixie for a few hours while she had to go to an after-work thing. Out of the two options of also going to the after-work thing or watching Trixie, he chose to watch Trixie. Maze was out bounty hunting and her regular sitter wasn't available.

She did not expect to come home to this.

Lucifer sat on her living room floor, covered in kittens as if nothing interesting at all was happening.

Shirtless.

In her apartment.

He appeared to be taking a selfie with a kitten near his face.

Chloe closed the door behind her and dropped her bag, folding up her umbrella. "What happened? Where's Trixie?"

Trixie ran out of her room at that moment, holding a fifth kitten in her small hands. "MOM!" The kitten was a little wild-eyed, fur sticking up in several directions, its claws splayed out.

Lucifer shifted on the floor in dark trousers, looking a little guilty. "Well, you see…"

Trixie held up a black and white ball of fluff to her mom. It mewed. "They were outside! In a box!"

Lucifer put in, "Yes, they had been left in a box by the road."

"In the rain!"

"Unattended."

"ALONE."

Lucifer and Trixie nodded together.

Chloe opened and closed her mouth. "When did you go outside?"

The Devil pulled a kitten out of his lap, petting it. "Well, it was raining, so we went for ice cream. And they were outside the shop. We couldn't just leave them there, could we?"

"Of course you - wait, where's your shirt?"

"Got wet. Soggy kittens and all. It's ruined, of course. Do you think you have something I can borrow?"

Trixie carefully placed the new kitten on Lucifer's shoulder. "We washed and dried them. They're much happier now." Sure enough, a pile of dirty towels lay in the bathroom. "They like Lucifer a lot. He says it's because he's extra warm."

She couldn't prevent a bemused expression from crossing her face. "Aren't you worried about getting scratched?"

He thought about it. "Well, now that you mention it, I wasn't, until just now."

Feathers continued to float around, shyly dipping to the floor and resting in short piles. More than one kitten dove for them, scattering them again and again.

Chloe blinked several times. "Okay, but where did the feathers come from?"

Lucifer put on a completely innocent expression. "They're mine, of course. Kittens love feathers. Keeps them entertained for hours, and I have lots." A kitten made a stumbling leap in the air for a slowly wafting white feather. It missed.

She held her lips flat, trying not to quirk a smile. _Lucifer being Lucifer._ "Of course they're yours. Why wouldn't they be?"

He smiled brightly, his teeth as white as the feathers falling in wide swoops. "Indeed. It's nice to put them to good use." He held a kitten up to his face, then turned it around to face Chloe. "See? He agrees with me." the tail stood straight up in a poof.

Trixie sat down next to Lucifer and cupped a very soft tabby and white kitten in her lap. It squeaked up at her, batting her pink shirt with a tiny paw. "This one is named Azrael, after Lucifer's sister. She's the feistiest."

"Honey…" Chloe took off her shoes and got down on her knees, leaving some distance between herself and the kittens. She wanted to both slap and hug Lucifer for putting her in the middle of this, but somehow it just seemed so - _him._

"Do you wanna name one? We should name one after dad." Trixie picked up a feather, fluttering it over Azrael's head. The kitten reached up again, missing the feather, but leaning into Trixie's chest with a heart-stoppingly cute purr and squeak. She nuzzled Trixie, masking her scent all over the girl.

Her mom sighed, folding her legs on the floor and joining the party. "Monkey, we can't keep them."

Lucifer and Trixie collectively gasped. "We certainly can't turn them back out into the wet weather. They're innocent creatures."

.

"I thought you didn't like cats?"

"Cats are barbaric monsters. Kittens are new and fresh and don't know any better. In fact, I bet if you raised them yourself, they would be very good cats." Lucifer nodded as if the problem was already solved.

Trixie looked up at her mom with huge dark eyes.

Lucifer caught on and gave Chloe the same look. "You can't deny your offspring who just wants to do a good deed, Detective!"

Chloe stiffened her lip. "We can't just take in random strays! What if they…they're sick or have worms?"

"They don't! They're all fixed up, with that regard."

"You already stopped by the vet?"

"Don't be silly. My powers are good for things like that from time to time."

"Your wallet powers, you mean. Well, thanks, I guess. But I'm not reimbursing you." One of the kittens, a grey and white one, tumbled over to her on wobbly feet. It looked up at her with a soft 'mew' and huge green eyes that looked too big for its head. She twitched her whiskers, sniffing Chloe's toes.

Trixie nodded. "That one is Daniel."

Lucifer didn't look up, gently petting another one that fell asleep in his lap. "That one is a girl."

"That's okay. She can still be Daniel."

Daniel licked her toes. She giggled, rolling her eyes and reaching out to pet her. "Hey there, little thing. How about Danielle, instead?"

Danielle licked her lips and purred up a storm, reaching tiny pink pawed toes out as she climbed on Chloe's foot.

They were very cute. "Trix... "

"Yes, mom?"

"We can't keep all of them. I'm not even supposed to have pets here. What will Maze say?"

Lucifer smiled. "Oh, Maze likes all of them. I already sent her photos. She loves cats. Any of them would be perfectly fine with her. She suggests one of them should be named Bast."

Azrael abandoned Trixie and climbed up Lucifer's trouser leg. He plucked her up lightly and added her to the other kitten in his lap. They purred together, two tiny little balls of claws and teeth and fluff. Azrael started cleaning the other kitten, diverting some licks to his forearm hair, purring constantly.

Chloe scooted a little closer. "Azrael seems to like you." And damn if he didn't look pretty adorable as a cat-dad. The lack of a shirt didn't hurt her feeling either.

He looked up, brown eyes delighted, catching her gaze as if he could read her mind. Chloe blushed.

Trixie nodded sagely. "She like both of us! We should keep her."

"We shouldn't, you know. Where was their mom?"

Lucifer's long fingered hands petted two kittens at once, his black stone ring standing out against the fluffy white and tabby fur. The one on his shoulder cleaned his ear with a persistent tiny pink tongue. "There were just the kittens. No mom cat. Luckily, they're old enough to be away from their mother. She might have abandoned them, or-."

Chloe threw a glance at Trixie. "-Or she got lost. That's too bad."

Trixie sniffed. "Poor mom kitty!"

Chloe felt this was a battle she wasn't going to win."Honey, you know we'll have to take them to a shelter, right? Even if we did keep one, we can't have five?"

Another gasp. "MOM! They're just babies still!"

Lucifer had the nerve to look affronted.

"Well, yes, but shelters know how to adopt out kittens. There's a good chance they'll get homes right away."

Her daughter thought about this, hugging another kitten. "A good _chance?_ What if they aren't all adopted?"

"Well, uhm, what if we just foster them until people can adopt all of them?"

"What's 'fostering?'"

Chloe knew she was trapped. "We would be their parents until new good ones come along and rescue them and take them to their homes."

"Yes!"

"Maybe all of the kittens will get homes, yeah?"

Lucifer held up Azrael. "Except this one."

Trixie nodded. "Except that one."

Azrael booped his nose with a tiny paw and mewed.

He offered her the kitten. "What do you say? I mean, she is cuter than my sister."

Chloe accepted it, holding her in her lap. Azrael looked straight up at her face and kitten-squeaked with bright blue eyes.

"I guess if no one else adopts her..." Her heart was already gone to this stupid little fluffy creature. Trixie must have heard it in her voice, because she just grinned at her mom, eyes sparkling. Chloe realized she had a dumb grin on her face, her stern mom-expression melting.

Lucifer petted the kitten in her lap, smiling down at it. She stood up on her hind legs and pushed back against his hand.

Chloe resisted the urge to lean over and kiss him in moments like these. His seemingly random joy at life included cuddling tiny kittens. It also included mucking up her already busy life.

 _Ah well._

Azrael blinked slowly up at her, cocking her head, her huge ears flicking back at Trixie and Lucifer.

Yup. Chloe was doomed. She'd be lucky if they only kept ONE kitten.


End file.
